Nate and I were shocked to discover a few weeks ago that Baby #4 will be making its way into our lives in August. Totally, absolutely shocked. Even though I'd always wanted four kids, we didn't expect to have a new baby so soon, especially because we had all these well-laid plans for the next few months, the most significant of which was that we'd move to Santiago in July 2010 so we could finally be where the pilgrims were and push forward with our hostel plans.
Now that I'm having a fourth (and last!) c-section in August, we need to seriously re-think moving in July, which leads to a very weighty decision: do we move earlier, say in late May or early June? That would comprehend Nate commuting up to Coruña every day with the boys until their school year finishes on June 22, me finding new doctors in Santiago with only 2 months to go before the baby comes (and I had to wait a month already to get in to see the doctor here in Coruña), settling into a new neighborhood and new community, and finding a new school that could take all three of our kids for the fall.
OR, do we stay in Coruña one more year so that I can stick with the doctors here, so that we'll have the support of our church community and friends after the baby is born, and so that the kids will have the benefit of going to the same school in the fall while they're adjusting to a new brother or sister? The one major con of this plan would be that if we were to stay in Coruña another year, our target date of opening a hostel in April 2011 would probably be delayed. So right now our decision seems to be between keeping our family life simple and stable in the face of a higher-risk pregnancy (because of my age - almost 35! so old! and the fact that it will be my fourth c-section) or keeping our hostel plans moving forward. It's a very hard call on this end of things, so we're praying and seeking the Lord's clear guidance in this decision.
These are the thoughts that have been swirling through our minds ever since we found out we were pregnant. The thing is that the Lord continues to remind us that He's in control of everything and knows exactly what He's doing. The day I finally bought my pregnancy test (after denying for about 10 days that I could possibly be pregnant), I was driving home and right in front of me was a huge rainbow. I felt the Lord saying, "Even if you're pregnant, it's all right. I'm right here with you," and it was very moving for me. And then in the ensuing weeks, when the reality of having another baby in August started to hit, the verse that came to mind the most was, "The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes" (Psalm 118:23). If you read the verse in context it has nothing to do with babies, but it's been really comforting and reminds me that the Lord is the author of this little life, and that He was pleased to have us conceive even though we weren't trying.
The Lord has also been reminding us that not only is He the author of this baby's life, but He's also the sustainer. You can see in the ultrasound above that there's something weird going on my uterus. I have a healthy gestational sac with a healthy, 10-week-old baby inside, but to the bottom-left of that first sac is an empty space that shouldn't be there. Yesterday when I had the ultrasound, I could not - even though I tried my darndest - understand what the Spanish technician was saying to me about that empty space. I could tell he was concerned and that it was an abnormality, but I couldn't catch the term for what he thought it was. Later on, when Nate saw the ultrasound image, he said it almost looked like an empty, second gestational sac. I did some research and it looks like if that's the case, it should resolve on its own in a few weeks; however, my chance of miscarriage is also slightly higher because my body may want to expel the second sac. I'm supposed to take it easy for the next few weeks, and my next ultrasound will be in two weeks. I get nervous thinking about the possibility of a miscarriage, but if the Lord defied our wisdom and plans in having us get pregnant now, He for sure can sustain this life even though there are funny things happening.
You can see that these past few weeks have been a roller-coaster of thoughts and emotions! And even though this post shares some of the harder, more tedious things that we're thinking, I want to say that we are happy, and we are excited to meet the new little one in August. When we've decided on what to do as far as moving to Santiago, and then when the baby finally comes, we'll look back and say, "Wow, that timing was perfect! I'm so glad it happened this way." We're not at that point yet, but we really look forward to when we can say that!
So...take care in there, little peanut! We're thrilled to have you join our family in just a short 6.5 months!